Tales
From The Dadside
I'm Smarter Than a First Grader
Friday, October 3, 2008 "Fury, when we get inside, I want you to brush your teeth."
"I can't. I have a headache."
"You still have to brush your teeth."
"Dad, I have a headache. Do I have to spell it out?"
"Waitwaitwait. What??"
"Do I have to spell it out?"
"YES. Yes, Fury. You do."
"um... heh."
"Well??"
"I... H-A-V-E... A... H-I-A-D-A-K...?"
"Go brush your teeth."
The Adventures of Agent 00Fury
Saturday, September 27, 2008 
Hi, this is Secret Agent 00Fury. As my title implies, my work is highly classified. But through a special arrangement with Noggin, I've allowed cameras to follow me around for a day. Let's hope you catch me doing more than just milking every minute of computer time I can get on this typical Saturday. One cannot expect to master LEGO Racers 2 just playing on the weekends, but someone tell that to my commanding officers! What hardasses. They expect me to use my creativity on the weekdays and play with actual toys and crafts and stuff.
Well it looks like even an elite secret agent can't catch a break this Saturday. I've just been informed that I'm needed for a special mission. Duty calls. So much for hanging out in my underwear all day.
At least I like looking sharp. To tell you the truth, I almost became an iron chef, but I enjoy sportin' the tux too much, you know?
Ok, I'm dressed to kill. But since I'm not old enough to drive, agents 00BusyDad (D.A.D for short) and 00dWife (M.O.M) have been assigned to provide vehicular support. D.A.D. needs to stop for coffee first. No, we secret agents don't just have a serum for that. I need to escort him in case the Ninja Assassin Guild catches wind that we're in the vicinity. Plus, I can practice the secret agent signature "walk briskly and look over the shoulder" move. And I think D.A.D. wants to show me off to the barista chicks.
I've got the microfilm and my LEGO Racers 2 disc too. The game will be mastered on the road on D.A.D.'s laptop.
Lin... Fury Lin
So what does a secret agent do after a long day of hand-to-hand combat? Chill out with an appetizer portion of Ceviche of course!
On second thought, maybe not. 
Shaken, not stirred. Of course.
Armed (with boutonnieres) and dangerous.I Swear
Thursday, September 25, 2008 Alot. But never in front of my mom and oddly enough, my sister. And if you are perceptive, never on this blog. My kid can read. So when Maria asked if I would guest post on her blog, I said F%^& yeah!! Because Maria's blog is no-holds-barred. It is raw, it is real and F-bombs fly like Cheerios across a kitchen floor. If you like the Bob Sagat version of me, please don't click over (Mom and relatives, I'm talking to you). I took this opportunity to swear my ass bum bum off. In fact, the entire post is centered around every bad word I can't say here. It is done in the name of fun though (I suck at angry posts, so I don't ever do them).
What's it about? Basically what I would have titled have my posts if I swore on this blog. And some other fun stuff thrown in. Because I don't want to whore up Maria's blog with links to mine, here are the posts referenced in that post. But first, click over to my guest post so you know what I'm talking about.
Referenced Posts:
Giving It The Old Jamaican Bobsled Try...
In Other News, Vol. 1-4 (this one's just 4)
If Fury Wants to Hang Out, Dial 9-1-1
Rollin' on tha Eastside... the Far Eastside
Do Parent Bloggers Exploit Their Children For Personal Gain? Yoouuu Betcha!!
Quickies 
They Should Slap a Warning Label on this Band
Wednesday, September 17, 2008 
"Severe wheezing may ensue, due to excessive funnies. Do not combine this show with alcohol. Unless you don't mind making a complete fool of yourself, so much so that your wife and friends go to this show with you 3 times in the span of 18 months just to see you get a near seizure."
You know when you go to a karaoke bar and some guy gets up and sings "Like a Virgin" and you roll your eyes because it is simply not funny? These guys are not him. They are the opposite of him. Wear your kid's Pull-Ups if the Dan Band ever rolls through your town. You WILL pee your pants, and you WILL thank me profusely for recommending them to you.
The Dan Band does covers of "chick songs" -- songs made famous by the great chanteuses of our time: Bonnie Tyler, Wilson Phillips, Irene Cara, Salt n Pepa, Shakira... snickering yet? Then you get it.
The beauty of the Dan Band is that they don't just sing the songs. They OWN them. They own them hard. When most funny people sing chick songs, they do one of two things. They sing them like a girl, or they sing them way too manly. Both are funny once. But not for an hour. The Dan Band will make you laugh for an hour. Maybe its Dan's deadpan Clark Kent backup singers/dancers Gene and John, or the artfully choreographed dance moves or Dan's use of profanity inserted in just the right places (gratuitous swearing is annoying; skillfully applied fu*kens are an art form). In fact, the Dan Band is known best for their interpretation of "Total Eclipse of the Heart" -- and I need you now tonight, I f$#kn need you more than ever. Does that ring a bell? Yes, you probably saw Dan singing that in the Will Ferrell movie Old School.
Enough talk. I found some clips you'll enjoy. They do most songs in medley format, which keeps the surprises coming at you in rapid succession. Genius. This medley includes Genie in a Bottle, No Scrubs and Slave for You.This clip has beeped out profanity.
This is them doing Flashdance and Fame.This clip has profanity that's not beeped out (in case your kids are around).